January
The year kicked off with something that would impact the rest of my year quite meaningfully: The acquisition of the company I worked for was announced internally at a company offsite, where I got to see again most of my coworkers (some for the last time). Around the same time I was also interviewing for a position at GitHub, so the month was fairly busy and stressful, but also interesting. I had the second (and last) session for my Apollo Lunar Module (LM-5, to be exact) tattoo, got to spend some time with one of my favourite humans (P) who was visiting Berlin, shared some expertise at a diversity workshop for Jugendhackt, started working on an exciting project at work (a Hall of Fame to show off all of our work with RGSoC) and started RESET, an online course led by Jocelyn K. Glei.
📝 This month I learned that introspection is a really great way to help myself on my career path. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: my distraction and lack of focus by building more breaks into my day. 🎵 Listened to a lot of Mineral, Rocky Votolato and Maximilian Hecker. 📚 Read “Homegoing” by Yaa Gyasi and “Becoming” by Michelle Obama, which I both found exceptional, and Amélie Nothomb’s “Frappe-toi le cœur”.
February
I took my first vacation of the year and went skiing with family in Northern Italy for a week. It felt great to be outdoors for most of the day, eat great food and have a lot of time away from technology. That week was also when the hashtag #travisalums went viral on twitter, so I wasn’t able to completely detach from work — I spent a majority of my downtime checking in with coworkers who’d been laid off.
In February I also tried to put more “work” into my friendships, by actively reaching out to friends to meet and focusing on the friendships that are most important to me. Had dinner at a Tajik tea room, went to my favourite Japanese restaurant in Vienna with my friend Anna, started a group with friends to play Dungeons&Dragons in Berlin, and published a blog post (my second and last of the year) about getting organised and productive.
📝 This month I learned that everything is temporary; things will pass and things will change. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Setting more concrete (and realistic) goals. 🎵 Listened to a lot of Mountain Goats, especially “Woke up new”. 📚 Read “What It Means When a Man Falls from the Sky” by Lesley Nneka Arimah, “Freedom is a Constant Struggle” by Angela Davis, “Who Fears Death” by Nnedi Okorafor and “Chanson Douce” by Leïla Slimani. 🎙 “Hurry Slowly” was my favourite podcast of the month.
March
My highlight of the month was attending an Inipi (Lakota sweat lodge) as part of a weekend organised by my Taekwondo school. The experience was really powerful and intense and allowed me to reconnect with nature and with myself. It made me think a lot about what I want in my career, what I need as a human being, and the importance about living in truth and honesty. I realised how much lay-offs at work had affected me mentally, in a way I hadn’t quite realised until a sharing circle at the opening ceremony of the sweat lodge, when I broke into tears as I shared why I decided to attend. Went swimming in a hotel swimming pool, started regularly meeting with Jan to co-work on design and open source stuff, had a cold at the beginning of the month, and signed up for LearnUI Design.
📝 This month I learned that it’s ok to be vulnerable. I also learned that sometimes people aren’t what they seem, and that they can positively surprise you when you least expect it. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Spending more time in nature, maybe by going on longer walks with the dog and enjoying spring. 🎵 Was a little obsessed with Austin Lucas’ “Immortal Americans” and listened to the complete Decemberists discography in a loop. 📚 Finished “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn, “The Hate U Give” by Angie Thomas, and Anna Newton’s “An Edited Life”.
April
In April I spent a lot of time thinking about the type of career I want, thinking about putting my needs first, and doing a lot of difficult introspective work. I realised I was slowly but surely burning out, and decided to set up a meeting to talk to my manager and quit my job. After a fairly social first quarter, I retreated into myself in April and didn’t socialise too much; I still met up with some friends for brunch, and spent Easter with my in-laws. I also managed to do a bit of a closet clean-up, repair old clothing, and set up a template to start doing a monthly finance overview.
📝 This month I learned that burnout doesn’t always manifest as physical exhaustion; it’s possible to be burned out and demotivated due to work and still be “high-functioning” in other areas of your life. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Communication at work and being more outspoken about my needs. 🎵 More Decemberists, La Dispute and Taylor Swift (especially from her album “Red”). 📚 A somewhat disappointing month for books: I finished reading Nnedi Okorafor’s “Lagoon” (which wasn’t as good as “Who Fears Death”), “L’Étranger” by Albert Camus and gave up on David Allen’s “Getting Things Done”. However I also read “Quiet” by Susan Cain, and “Provenance” by Ann Leckie, both of which I really enjoyed.
May
I spent my birthday with friends outside of Berlin, hiking in the woods with our dogs. We came home happy (and covered in ticks, yuck). I spent a good chunk of my time meeting friends (both local and visiting friends). I signed up for driving school, attended GitHub Satellite, and went hiking in Vienna with some Taekwondo friends as part of the 5-year anniversary celebration of my former Taekwondo school. I also got a surprise exam at my Taekwondo school in Berlin for my 3rd geup (blue-red belt). I got sick towards the end of the month, probably a physical manifestation of my burnout, so I spent a few days binging on Riverdale.
📝 This month I learned that everyone is fighting their own battles. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Trying to avoid “fear of missing out” and just being alright where I am, in the moment. 🎵 Obsessed over CHVRCHES’ “Love is Dead” and the La La Land Soundtrack. I also listened to a lot of Elliott Smith. 📚 Read “Manual For Cleaning Women” by Lucia Berlin and “I’ll Be Gone in the Dark” by Michelle McNamara (which was great). I also got into old childhood graphic novels again and read one tome of a Yoko Tsuno collection. 🎙 I discovered “DesignLife”, a great podcast about design and everything around working as a designer, which got me super excited about a potential career change.
June
With a friend’s wedding mid-month and my partner making plans to move back to Vienna in July, June heavily revolved around “emotional stuff”. Overall, June showed me how resilient I am and how much better I got at dealing with situations without overreacting too much, by giving space to my emotions but also trying to bounce back and approach things positively.
On my two-week holiday I travelled to Austria for my friend Nadia’s wedding and went hiking in the woods near Attersee with partner and dog, caught up with old friends from high school, and had some well-needed me-time. At some point during the month I was disappointed by an old friend, which made me realise that our friendship had run its course and it was time to focus on other, more beneficial friendships. Last but not least: After a year and a half of living in Berlin, I finally made it to Thai Park (and loved it)!
📝 This month I learned that some friendships change over time, and that’s ok — it’s ok to let go, better than feeling bitter about how things went or ended. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Get less angry or upset at things that don’t really matter. 🎵 More CHVRCHES, but also The National and Stars (especially their song “No One is Lost”). 📚 Read the amazing “Little Fires Everywhere” by Celeste Ng, a collection of short stories or novel excerpts by contemporary African authors (“Africa 39”) and “Nejma” by Nayyirah Waheed. I also read “Atomic Habits” by James Clear, which was my favourite ‘self-help’ book I read in 2019.
July
With two months to go at work, I spent the month focusing on documenting all of my areas of responsibility and interviewing potential candidates for my position. I tried to ease into my new living situation (living alone again instead of with someone) by filling my calendar with coffee dates, lunches and dinners with friends — basically trying to make the best out of it. I worked on an integrity report, a mid-year review for myself, went running for the first time in 5 months, tried a new brunch place in Friedrichshain, and attended my Taekwondo grandmaster’s housewarming party. I also cried while watching Apollo 11, started writing a gratitude journal, went to an agility park with my dog, and started a serious marathon of driving theory classes.
📝 This month I learned that I work and think best in a tidy environment. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Being more aware of my habits (which ones work, and which ones don’t) and putting into practice some of the suggestions in the book “Atomic Habits”. 🎵 Loved the album “Tiny Changes” (of Frightened Rabbit covers); my favourite tracks being “My Backwards Walk” by Manchester Orchestra and “Keep Yourself Warm” by Benjamin Gibbard. Also listened to Vic Chesnutt. 📚 It was a busy month for books; apart from graphic novels (“Wage Slaves” and “Summer Blonde”) and easy reads like “I’ll give you the sun”, I also finished the fantastic “Fed Up” by Gemma Hartley, a great introduction to the concept of emotional labour, “Freshwater” by Akwaeke Emezi, and the brilliant “Educated” by Tara Westover.
August
August felt like running the last stretch of a marathon — not that I ever ran a marathon, even though that’s on my list of things to do someday. I spent it wrapping up last bits and pieces at work, writing documentation for all the projects I worked on and attempting to put the knowledge of the last five years into usable write-ups. I published one of my biggest projects, the annual report, which I’d been working on for the last year.
I still found time for a lot of driving theory classes, going to Thai Park with my friends Katrin, Tam and Sara, and painting my D&D figurine with other fellow D&D enthusiasts; I recorded a podcast episode for Sustain Our Software and spent a weekend training Taekwondo, where I got a surprise exam for part of my red belt grading.
📝 This month I learned that maybe everyone is doing the best they can (thank you, Brené Brown!) 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Giving myself some thinking and breathing space. 🎵 Loved the new Death Cab for Cutie album (“Thank you for today”) and listened to it on repeat. Also had a bit of an Elton John and Peter Gabriel moment (especially “Solsbury Hill”, which I heard at one of my favourite cafes while working). 📚 I picked up something a bit more work-related and dove deep into the great “Design for Real Life” by Eric Meyer and Sara Wachter-Boettcher. Also read Trevor Noah’s “Born a Crime” and Sjón’s “La Volpe Azzurra”, as well as “The Book of Phoenix” by Nnedi Okorafor, an author who was one of my favourite discoveries in 2019. 🎙 Listened to the “This American Life” podcast constantly while commuting and making breakfast.
September
Went to the Ostsee for the first time since moving to Berlin; it was supposed to be a “romantic getaway” with my partner, but he got sick so I went with a friend (and my dog) instead. The weather turned out better than expected and it was great to connect with a friend over a longer period of time and to be by the sea. Over the course of the month I also attended the Nextcloud conference (where I moderated a panel), attended my first Creative Mornings event in a long time, started decluttering my apartment, and made some progress on my LearnUI Design assignments and portfolio redesign. I started training Taekwondo 4 times a week instead of 3 in preparation for my red belt exam and went to my first Iyengar Yoga class.
📝 This month I learned that I can’t always be 100% productive; sometimes I need to step away from the computer for a day or two. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Make my goals and monthly resolutions more visible from my work station. 🎵 Listened to a shit ton of Lana Del Rey, especially her new album “Norman Fucking Rockwell!”, and Billie Eilish. Unsuccessfully tried to get into the new M83 album but then gave up and listened to “Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming” instead. I also balanced out all the sad music with “Just Our Style” by the Wayfarers. 📚 I started the month with “Long Quiet Highway”, a book by Natalie Goldberg I’ve owned for several years and never managed to read in its entirety; somehow it really resonated with me this time around and I finished it in a couple of days. I also read “Severance” by Ling Ma (brilliant post-apocalyptic science-fiction novel) and “Rising Strong” by Brené Brown, as well as the mediocre “The Obstacle is the Way” by Ryan Holiday. 🎙 Got into the mystery thriller podcast “Passenger List”.
October
The highlight of my month was definitely my red belt exam; I’d never felt so calm, prepared, and ready for a belt exam before. I wasn’t as nervous as I usually am and was able to really enjoy the experience and have fun. The month was productive (I wrapped up a big section of the LearnUI Design course, made some progress on my new website, practiced driving consistently and continued decluttering our flat) but I also indulged in some self-care. I visited my dear friend P in Braunschweig, celebrated 5 years of being smoke-free, attended another wedding in Austria, and cooked a lot of great and healthy food at home.
📝 This month I learned that work stress (or the lack thereof) really has an impact on my physical performance. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Less procrastination and work on my evening routine to get to bed on time. 🎵 Top song was “Close to me” by Fred Avril, which I listened to obsessively for the whole month. Also listened to a bunch of Nada Surf, London Grammar, and the Cranberries. Didn’t really bond with the new Bon Iver record. 📚 It was a month for so-so books: I got angry at “Men Without Women” by Haruki Murakami but finished it nevertheless, and also finished “The F Word” by Lily Pebbles, a lengthy and yet superficial book about ‘female friendships’. Thankfully, I also had a few great reads: “My Sister, the Serial Killer” by Oyinkan Braithwaite and “An Unkindness of Ghosts” by Rivers Solomon.
November
The highlight of the month was my first ITTW (intensive Taekwondo training weekend) in Vienna as a red belt, which I attended with a few other red and black belts from my Berlin school. I took the night train from Berlin with our dog for the very first time (!!), which was exhausting but also fun, spent a whole week in Vienna catching up with friends, and went to a museum by myself for the first time in a while. Back in Berlin my parents came to visit, I attended a couple of sessions at the Internet Governance Forum, saw my dad play “Just Like Heaven” (and other songs) on the saxophone with a band at the IGF music night, met with friends at a Christmas market.
Overall, I felt like I spent a lot of time travelling, packing, and confused because my routine was off. I also got less sleep than usual, which combined with the lack of daylight just made me more tired and irritable. However there were a few more upsides to the month: Meeting Ola’s adorable puppy for a dog walk and celebrating my friend Julia’s birthday with people from the dojang.
📝 This month I learned that my body needs to adapt to the season; with shorter days, it’s ok to get up later and try to get more sleep. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Try and find a better way to journal every day or to keep notes on things consistently. 🎵 Got all of my top tracks from TV shows (Kat Cunning’s “King of Shadow” and Tommaso Paradiso’s “Non Avere Paura”). Listened to Yann Tiersen while baking and Tiger Lou while thinking. 📚 I really enjoyed Paolo Giordano’s “La Solitudine dei Numeri Primi” and Tillie Walden’s graphic novel “Are You Listening?” this month; also finished Sam Harris’ “Waking Up” (which wasn’t as interesting as I thought) and Julian Barnes’ “The Only Story”. 🎙 Caught up on some “99% Invisible” episodes.
December
December was one of the harder months of the year. The tiredness and need for the year to be over slowly started getting to me, and all I wanted was to hibernate until spring. Instead I headed to Munich for another weekend Taekwondo event, on the way to which we got stuck in traffic on the highway for 3 hours but decided to make the best out of it by practicing our Taekwondo patterns outside the car. Met up with my friend Jess for brunch while she was in Berlin, went to a Tiger Lou/Kristofer Åström show, kept up with my regular training schedule until I headed to Vienna for the Christmas break and spent a lot of time reflecting on the year and thinking about what I want for next year. Celebrated Yalda with my friend Ali and his family. Took the train back to Vienna and somehow survived the 8-hour trip with the dog; had a low key NYE celebration, perhaps a sign that 2020 will be a little less busy and a little calmer on the social front.
📝 This month I learned that whatever you are not changing, you’re choosing. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Spend some time resetting — reviewing my priorities, setting goals with intention, and trying not to get carried away by the need to be productive all the time. 🎵 Got a lot into Julien Baker (“Turn Out the Lights”) and Lewis Capaldi (“Someone You Loved”). 📚 As the year started to wind down, I found myself slowing down and reading more (also to try and reach my reading goal). I enjoyed “Ghana Must Go” by Taiye Selasi and re-reading “Shortcomings” by Adrian Tomine. I also read “The Art of Peace” (a short book about the origins of Aikido) by Morihei Ueshiba, “The Course of Love” by Alain de Botton, “Diving into the Wreck” by Kristine Kathryn Rusch, “Sad Birds Still Sing” (a collection of poems) and Vol. 2 of the “Yoko Tsuno” graphic novel series.
Reaching (and missing) goals
In 2019, I mostly focused on setting up systems that would allow me to reach some of my long-term goals — things like getting my Taekwondo black belt (only two exams to go!), getting my driver’s license, having a cleaner and more tidy home, having a more sustainable lifestyle, and buying a house. I did so by making plans for each long-term goal and building tasks & habits into my routine. Some examples of things I did this year are training consistently on the same days of the week, regularly studying for my driving theory exam, having a cleaning routine (and spreading chores out throughout the week rather than doing it all on the weekend), replacing products I use with eco-friendly and/or plastic-free alternatives, and analysing how I spend money every month and on what. I did, however, also have some smaller or shorter-term goals that I wanted to achieve this year:
Reading more
My goal in 2019 was to read more books; specifically, I wanted to read 52 books (that’s a book a week). I didn’t reach that goal but came pretty close, which for me was still a success: I managed to read 51 books and to also diversify my reading enough to have authors from different countries and languages, ethnicities, and genders.
Taking care of my relationships
This one is difficult because I couldn’t really take a quantitative approach to it, or have a tangible goal like “have coffee with one friend every week”, but I could still make efforts to reach out to friends even when I felt overwhelmed to make plans to meet up. This worked out quite well and allowed me to spend more time with people I cared about and have fun doing so, which for an introvert like me isn’t always self-explanatory. I also strengthened bonds with the people from my Berlin dojang, made a couple of new friends, and prioritised my time for the people that mattered. Sometimes, that included saying no and turning down dinners or coffee dates that were unimportant to me or where I knew I wouldn’t have the energy for it.I also tried to put myself out there, showing vulnerability and attempting to have important, needed, and hard conversations.
Creating more and producing more content
At the beginning of the year, I decided this would be the year I’d unleash my creativity regularly again… and it failed (somewhat). I sat down almost every week to work on website wireframes and comps, to work on LearnUI Design assignments, and to write, but I left my sketchbook and my iPad mainly untouched, the white pages in my planner meant as a “creative space” mostly empty, constantly hitting a wall. I had planned to finish the LearnUI Design course by the end of the year but I’m still a little over half-way through; I never finished the DailyUI exercise I’d started last year, and still haven’t shipped my new website (which I’ve been working on for months while learning CSS Grid alongside). Let alone writing any public blog posts. What I want most right now is to allow myself the space to create without judgement, and in 2020 I’d like to make that a priority — perhaps at the risk of other things being moved to the back burner for a while.
My year in numbers
👟 I went on 10 runs and ran a total of 50.62 kms. 📚 I read a total of 51 books: 45 in English, 5 in French, 1 in Italian. I tried to diversify my reading and am very proud of how it turned out: 22 of the books were by people of color, and more than half (30) were by women, with another 2 by non-binary authors, and 1 by an anonymous author whose gender identity is unknown. You can see my year in books in detail on goodreads. 🎶 I listened to a total of 1,253 artists and songs from 1871 different albums, mostly indie, folk, and singer-songwriter. This only includes digital music, and was mostly pulled from my last.fm profile. 🥋 I trained at 3 different dojangs (in Berlin, Vienna and Munich) and had roughly 160 training sessions, for a total of 258 hours. That’s a 50% increase from 2018 💚 🧘🏻♀️ I attended 10 yoga classes — that’s 15 hours of yoga — and managed to keep a consistent meditation practice, every day. 🐾 I walked a total of 5,069,322 steps throughout the year (yes! 5 million!) which is almost 14 000 steps a day. 📊 I managed to put almost 40% of my income towards a savings account (!!); out of my variable expenses, I spent the most on education — courses and work-related books — and travel. ⏳ At work, I mostly spent time on meetings, general organisation (like planning and paperwork), and documentation (of internal processes as well as our websites). Most of my personal time at my desk was spent on general organisation (planning my weeks, doing retros and budget reviews), learning, and creative work (that includes journaling and working on my new website).
See you 2019, hello 2020
As this new year starts, I have my new planner ready to go, a habit tracking journal on my desk, and piles of books I’d like to read this year; but the exhaustion I experienced mid-year and in December made me realise that there are limitations to what my body can take and to how much I can get done in a day. So this year, my priority will be to take it slow when I need to by listening to my body more. I feel like I’m on the right track with Jenny Odell’s book “How to do nothing”, which I started reading earlier this week :)
While I also have more concrete goals for the next 12 months (getting my driver’s license, finally launching my website, diversifying the way I save and invest money, use social media mindfully) I want to approach the year a little differently and think about what themes or ideas are important to me.
In 2020, my word of the year is renewal: I want to focus on growth and regeneration, tending to the work I’ve done while leaving some things behind that don’t serve me anymore. Keeping in line with the word of the year, my core values for 2020 will be balance, learning, and growth.