January
Despite an ongoing pandemic, I kick off the year with a New Year’s Taekwondo training at my old Vienna dojang. It reminds me of how strong I am, and I make a mental note to remember that strength and confidence on shitty days (little did I know that this would be my last ever training session at that school).
After a million attempts at finding the perfect home, I go and see the most beautiful house, and the following day we place an offer for what will become our future house.
Work starts slow and a bit aimless, which I try to correct throughout the year. I bake cheesecake for M’s birthday and try a new chickpea lemon soup recipe.
📝 This month I learned that good things come to those who wait. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Avoid multitasking as much as I can, even when it feels like everything is burning. 🎵 Listened to Cat Power “Covers” and Combat Beach “Nowhere Feels like Home”; obsessed over “Das ist alles von der Kunstfreiheit gedeckt” by Danger Dan, and rediscovered Yo La Tengo. 📚 I read a few books this month, my favourite being the bizarre and breathtaking “Mama” by Jessica Lund.
February
I attempt a giant digital declutter and set up an exercise plan to train TKD and yoga from home. I catch up with friends, my aunt comes for a visit from Italy, my baby-not-a-baby-anymore turns 18 months (18 months!) and I have a really good heart to heart with my partner. It’s a month for arancini (with panko crumbs!), chicken pot pie, and pancakes.
Like everyone else, I’m stuck on the news cycles of War in Ukraine and COVID pandemic.
📝 This month I learned to hold my loved ones near. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Advocating for myself and going for the type of work I want to do. 🎵 Listened to “**All the Truth That I Can Tell**” by Dashboard Confessional; obsessed over Nada Surf’s “So Much Love” (in all of its different variations) and “As I try not to fall apart” by White Lies. 📚 Read “The Leavers” by Lisa Ko and start reading “Hidden Valley Road“.
March
My better half finally gets to see the house we bought (!!); the month is filled with remaining house-paperwork, a bunch of print design at work, and planning for daycare. I follow my gut and pull my child out of daycare after the second day, throwing my plans of starting to take on more hours at work out of the window. I spend a lot of time with new mom friends at the park, and make a ridiculously bad attempt at seeing the cherry trees at the peace pagoda (ending up on the highway instead).
The air and the temperature feel like spring is coming!
📝 This month I learned that I can trust my gut. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Consolidating my long-term goals with my weekly planning. 🎵 Listened to the new album by Team Me (“Something in the Making”) and to Ra Ra Riot, Tom Rosenthal, and Damien Jurado. 📚 It’s mostly non-fiction this month, with “Hidden Valley Road” and “Bad Blood” taking up most of my reading time. I also read “The office of historical corrections”, a thought-provoking collection of short stories by Danielle Evans which I really enjoy.
April
First flight since the pandemic started to go visit family in Northern Germany. Also first flight ever for N, who was absolutely unimpressed with planes and wings and flying and everything and just was happy sticking a bunch of stickers on a throw up bag and making her teddy bear look out of the window.
A ton of stress at work, a fun remote conference, first cold of the year, and embracing my need for rest. I also bake polabröd for the first time ever.
📝 This month I learned that to a child, routine is everything. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: my digital mess — I want to find a note-taking process that works for me. 🎵 Listened to more Team Me, “folklore” by Taylor Swift, and a lot of MUNA, Anaïs Mitchell, and Little Big League. 📚 Brought to tears by Michelle Zauner’s “Crying at H Mart”—with memories of my mom’s chemo in the last year, this book hits very close to home. I also read the surprisingly good “The Anthropocene reviewed” by John Green and “Les Enfants Sont Rois” by Delphine de Vigan.
May
A low key but lovely birthday celebration for me with a Triad of flowers, food, and balloons. I start to seriously redesign my website for the hundredth time (this time for real!) with a visual brand that feels like me.
I make it through what feel like the longest two weeks of my life — first my first week of solo parenting, and then the second (forced) week, when M came back from a work trip testing positive for covid. We self-isolate from each other separately right away and I manage to avoid the virus, somehow. Last but not least: We sign the contract that officially makes us HOMEOWNERS, and celebrate with frozen yogurt.
📝 This month I learned that embracing chaos can be better for my mental health sometimes. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Make the changes I need to be happy with what I’ve got rather than feeling resentful. 🎵 Listened to “Goodbye Paradise” by Graveyard Club, Desaparecidos, and Metric. Sang along to Graveyard Club’s “Witchcraft”. 📚 I read a lot of tough, emotionally difficult books this month (like “The Beauty in Breaking“ and “An American Marriage”)
June
June is another month of mostly “reactive” work at the office; it gets better towards the end of the month when I take initiative on some projects and start a design systems book club with a friend. I go to my first Taekwondo retreat since 2019, rebuild some foundations, see people I had missed. We also slowly start packing in preparation for the big move to our new house.
📝 This month I learned that there is beauty and value in showing vulnerability to people who matter. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: My packing skills 🎵 Listened to more Graveyard Club, and had CHVRCHES’ “Screen Violence” on repeat. Also on repeat: “Back into your arms” by Rinse and some album by Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin. 📚 Noteworthy books this month were “Luster” by Raven Leilani, “the Every” by Dave Eggers, and “Four Thousand Weeks” by Oliver Burkeman.
July
Moving month! It’s a combination of excitement and chaos — eager to be in our new place but sad to leave our old neighbourhood behind. I go to the pool a couple of times, start training Taekwondo in the park with a couple of guys from my old dojang, get my first pedicure in what feels like forever, and feel restless and impatient for most of the month. While progress on my new website is slow, it’s also fairly steady and gets me super excited to ship the site at the end of the summer.
📝 This month I learned that sometimes the smallest things are the ones that are hardest to let go of. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: My time management 🎵 Listened to more CHVRCHES, some Burkini Beach, “Quicksand” by Hatchie, and like every summer “Sleep All Summer” by Crooked Fingers. 📚 This was an Emily St. John Mandel kind of month: I read “Sea of Tranquility” (an absolute beauty, like most of her books) and “Last Night in Montreal”.
August
A busy and beautiful month: M and I have our very first date night in a looooong time and go see one of my all-time favourite bands (Bright Eyes); it’s our first concert since the beginning of the pandemic. Other eventful things: I stupidly fall down stairs and almost break my jaw; our daughter N turns two (TWO? Where has the time gone??); I paint a bedroom wall and have a lot of fun doing it; I finish one of the biggest features on my new website (hooray!)
📝 This month I learned that anger and frustration leads to more anger and frustration. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: My addiction to my phone is getting out of control, so I want to just put it away when I don’t need it. 🎵 Listened to, obviously, Bright Eyes on repeat. When I wasn’t listening to Conor Oberst I listened to Lewis Capaldi, “Your Arms Around Me“ by Jens Lekman, and of course the fantastic and sad “Weird Goodbyes” by the National (feat. Bon Iver) 📚 Read “Ghost Lover” by Lisa Taddeo, and started “Three Women”.
September
September is a tiring month. We go through the first days of daycare: A messed up schedule for me, but also eventually a weight being lifted off my shoulders with that weird feeling of having “time to myself” again. I have a long, vulnerable and open-hearted talk with my partner; my in-laws (whom I love, AMA) come for a visit and stay for what feels like way too little time; I juggle a lot of client work, internal design stuff, mentoring at work; I start an open source interest group at our company.
📝 This month I learned that giving our toddler the space she needs to get used to a new place and people is the right way for us, and it might give unexpectedly positive results. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Getting to bed earlier, and being ok with not getting everything done. 🎵 Listened to “A Wave Across the Bay” by Frank Turner, which caught me off guard and made me cry a little. Also Willie J Healey, SOHN, and Japanese Breakfast. 📚 Started reading “To Paradise” by Hanya Yanagihara, which became one of my favourite reads of the year.
October
A busy month, with a lot of fun things: Our first night away as a couple since our daughter was born, to reconnect and eat great food and go swimming and drink wine; painting my home office walls; the soft autumn fog; getting an idea for a new open source project (and buying the domain name!). I also find a bit of time to make some improvements to my website, I keep training Taekwondo regularly with P & H, I get my next covid shot, and make plans for a Berlin trip. At work I start a new pretty exciting client project (design systems!), write a couple of blog posts for the company blog, and have a bit of time to reassess my priorities and plan the rest of the quarter.
📝 This month I learned that relationships need to actively be worked on. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Avoid falling into the trap of “pseudo learning” by focusing on what I decided to learn, rather than hopping between resources and topics. 🎵 Listened to “Cerulean” by Ken Yates, “Midnights” by Taylor Swift, and rediscovered “To Record Only Water for Ten Days” by John Frusciante. Majorly obsessed over “Teenage Tears” by Arkells and “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift, with a soft spot for “Morte Bella” by Club Apollo. 📚 Mostly consumed by “Last Summer on State Street” by Tonya Wolfe. Also read the very short and thought-provoking “On Connection” by Kae Tempest.
November
November is chaotic and perfect. I travel to Berlin for the first time since moving away for a Taekwondo seminar: four days of Taekwondo and meeting friends and eating all of the best food. I cry when I see my old neighbourhood, when I enter my old dojang, when I meet a friend for lunch, and at the end of every training (basically). I have lovely, deep and silly conversations with people I love. I eat vegan donuts (!) and proper Korean BBQ fried chicken (!); I pet dogs, buy new glasses, and spend way too much time and money at bookstores. At work I am put in charge of the design for our new website refresh, so I spend my month thinking about branding and developing our visual language and getting a good headstart on our new client project.
It’s also a very busy month for Christmas preparations: I manage to get all of my Christmas presents before the end of the month and make a beautiful photo book for all of our relatives, with photos from the whole year.
📝 This month I learned that I get a ridiculous amount of strength and energy from Taekwondo 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Joy. slowing down and enjoying the little things that make me happy, like crafting. 🎵 Listened to Low, the Wrens, the Microphones, Her Space Holiday (early 2000s nostalgia). Also “the Wall & I” by Nation of Language, “Song for Zula” by Phosphorescent, and “Hologram” by Angelo de Augustine. 📚 Read “Bliss Montage” by Ling Ma, which I really enjoyed, and finished “Laying the foundations” for my book club. Also started “the Immortalists” by Chloe Benjamin.
December
As every year, December is fairly busy, with small pockets of calm. We buy matching Moomin PJs, I reorganise my record collection, I decorate the house slowly in small spurts; I discover the joy of fireplace TV, meet some of my new coworkers at a company offsite, and eat ramen.
In 2022 I really lean into the darkness and quiet of the end of the year — in this new neighbourhood, away from streetlights and loud cars and shops, it becomes easier to retreat into our home, savour the early sunsets, walk the dog at dusk with no one on the streets, light candles instead of bright lights. I think of my friend Ali and the last Yaldā celebration at his house before the pandemic hit. I get a bit sad at the thought of 2022 ending, because the last months are always a bit of a blur and because it was a loud year, with many ups (and a few downs).
📝 This month I learned that I need to and want to get better at communicating and listening. 📈 Something to improve in the following month: Moisturising, because my skin didn’t feel good at all this month. 🎵 Listened to Daughter, Death Cab for Cutie and Nirvana. Still listening to “Midnights” when I need a pick me up. Some of my fav tracks of the month: “It’s Springtime and the Aphids have arrived” by Say Hi and “Schlaf Gut” by Betterov. 📚 Finished “the immortalists” and read “Ghost Wall” by Sarah Moss, a great but also indescribable little novel.
My year in numbers
👟 I went on 4 (sad) runs, and ran a total of 11,7 kms. 📚 I read a total of 31 books: The majority (27) in English, 2 in French, 2 in German. Many of the authors were non-binary and women (roughly 2/3 of all the books). 🎶 I listened to a total of 1,369 artists (apparently a 30% increase from the previous year) and 2,109 different albums. My top artist was Taylor Swift, my top album “Something in the Making” by Team Me, and my top track was “Teenage Tears” by Arkells ft. Tegan and Sara. Other top tracks were “Witchcraft” by Graveyard Club, “Asking for a friend” by CHVRCHES, and “All Comes Crashing” by Metric. As always, this only includes digital music. 🥋 I trained at 3 different dojangs (Berlin, Vienna and Feldkirch). 💪🏼 I did a total of 155 workouts (that’s mostly yoga and taekwondo, not including runs) 🧘🏻♀️ I managed to keep a semi-consistent meditation practice, almost every day. 🐾 I walked a total of 3,240,105 steps throughout the year which is almost 9000 steps a day.
In 2023, I will…
I feel ill-prepared for the year to come. As I write this it’s January 2nd, and I haven’t planned as much as I usually do; I want to feel ok with this uncomfortable feeling of not quite knowing what’s to come.
My word of the year this year is listen. Over the last two weeks, I’ve spent a lot of time on dog walks or staring out of the window while making coffee, thinking about what word I want 2023 to be connected to. Like every year I want courage and balance, growth and renewal; but listening is more important to me these days. To me, listening means to keep my senses open to what’s coming; to actively hear what people are saying to me, not just the words but all the silences in-between; to be able to read a room, even. To narrow my focus onto a single person at a certain moment in time.
While I don’t really have new year’s resolutions per se (more like a general idea of my high level goals and how they translate into a system and monthly, weekly or daily actions), here’s a quick overview of things that will matter more, or less, in 2023.
In 2023 I will…
moisturise. laugh a little more. clean a little less. focus on my relationships.
In 2023 I will not…
hate-follow or hate-read or hate-watch anything. multitask. hold onto people or things that don’t matter to me.